To commemorate International Friendship Day,
celebrated annually on the first Sunday in August.
Over the course of a lifetime, we meet scores of people, but how many
actually become friends and stay with us for the duration?
True, deep-rooted friendship is a rare commodity in this transient age, but thanks to the internet, even those who have moved far away can still maintain contact if they so choose. (How many times have you said or heard “Let’s keep in touch”, but nothing comes of it?)
Not all friendship is positive. Take for example “fair-weather” friends. These are the ones who happily partake of your hospitality, but otherwise only contact you when they want something.
Don’t count on them when life gets tough. They will disappear so quickly, you’ll be choking on the dust! Back in the 1970s, we were one of the few married couples in our group and hosted many parties.
Life was good and we had dozens of friends. Did we really though? Once the parties stopped in the 80s, those so-called friends dwindled to less than half. When serious financial difficulties hit in the 90s, only the aforementioned deep-rooted friends remained.
Sometimes, we meet new people with whom we share instant rapport. This can be similar to an affair based on lust instead of love , and be over just as quickly.
About 20 years ago, hubby and I met another couple and hit it off immediately. We exchanged phone numbers and invited them over for a barbecue the following weekend. It was a memorable evening.
Promises to arrange future get-togethers followed, but nothing happened. Our messages were left unanswered, and we never saw those people again. Were they just looking for a free meal? Odd, wouldn’t you say?
This often happens with internet friendships too. I used to belong to an online forum and had frequent email correspondence with several regulars.
Once the forum closed, they disappeared and ignored any attempts to stay in touch. Am I the only one who finds this strange?
Have you ever experienced toxic friendships? These are incredibly stressful, exhausting and unrewarding. My best advice is to cut these people out of your life. As the old saying goes “With friends like these, who needs enemies?”
I had one such friend, about 10 years ago. She was a highly neurotic, compulsive liar and to top it off, also a stalker! Several times, I spotted her car behind me in traffic for no apparent reason.
Once, I purposely drove into a dead-end street to see what she would do. She panicked, backed out of there at full speed and never followed me again.
Every conversation with her included a litany of the same complaints over and over, to the point where I could recite them by rote.
Her idea of good-natured teasing was to mock and if I didn’t return a phone call within a couple of hours, she called again! Life is much too short to put up with these types of friends, don’t you think?
![[credit]](https://i0.wp.com/thedogladysden.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/best-friends.jpg?resize=500%2C375)
Originally published for the Write Tribe Blog Carnival
August 6, 2014
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Dog Mom and (retired) Canine Innkeeper in suburban Toronto, Canada, known as The Doglady. Former corporate workaholic. Writer, photographer, digital creator. Animal lover, music fanatic, inveterate traveller. Eternal hippie/rockchick. History, literature and cinema buff. Hockey and soccer fan. Dedicated night owl. German/Canadian binational, multilingual. Let me entertain you!
51 thoughts on “REFLECTIONS ON FRIENDSHIP”
I too can count my true blue friends on one hand and that’s okay. I like my circle small. 🙂
I have worked very hard to keep some friendships alive only to find out I’m the only one working. It’s saddening and maddening as I genuinely love people and wish them the best and want to be UP to date. Good post. So glad you’re back and can’t wait for a vacay recap.
I have had many of the “we’ll keep in touch” experiences, and some do continue by a gossamer thread. Laurie has had some experience with the slightly ‘toxic’ neurotic friend. Mostly, I’m a bit shy and need encouragement to respond- I know, but it’s true.
I have some annoying friends, some crazy friends, and even some toxic friends, but as long as they are consistent, we are okay. It is the ones who change from time to time that make me nervous… I wrote a poem once, about fair weather friends. I often refer to that as my mission statement.
I also used to think I had a lot of friends and in some ways I did. Over the years some have died while others have just drifted away into I don’t know where. Thankfully I still have a small core of pretty solid friendships of those who I may not see often, but still stay in contact through occasional phone calls. As I get older it seems more difficult to find new friends, but these days I’m okay with solitude.
Arlee Bird
Tossing It Out
A friend is someone who is willing to put up with you, who is willing to go out on a limb for you, who will never, ever judge what you’ve done, even if it’s something drastically stupid.
A friend should be someone who will tell you when you’re doing something that will harm you, and convince you not to.
A friend should be someone you can rely on, should the need arise, and if it is at all physically possible.
Like you, Debbie, I seem to be surrounded by hordes of “friends,” and yet in my hours of need, emotional and financial, there was no one here. Nothing will drive people away faster than knowing or even just suspecting there is a problem.
Like you, when I was a “rich housewife” (a comical way to describe myself as my children were growing), my house was full of people, always. My home was where we organized costume parties; I was the one who sewed the costumes; my children’s friends were forever underfoot…
Not one weekend went by without at least one supper with friends and more often than not also dinner on Sundays, and every feast day…In Italy, we have the patron saint–feast day. Mother’s day–feast day. Labour day–feast day. Along with Christmas, New Year’s etc.
I think I got about 1% back in terms of invitations. From my in-laws, nothing.
Other friends? Women are the worst…envious, catty, gossipy. Men are a close second, always with hidden (or not so hidden) goals for being a “friend.”
Well, when my rich housewife period was over, I was left alone. No more outings, one “friend” invites me when she has no one else to bug…
Financial difficulties? I have never been really helped…
Now, don’t get me wrong…you have known me long enough to know that this has done very little to dampen my usual bright outlook on life. But it is sad that when you think “I’d like to go to the movies with a friend…” you also have to give up because there are none.
So be it. Kismet.
In conclusion? I haven’t had a chance to really assess what a “true” friendship is.
Our relationship is in its own category…we’ve known each other for half a century, but we have also not lived near enough to be of help when either of us had problems.
Luv ya…big hug to Angelo
I have had a lot of acquaintances in my life, but very few friends. I’ve had some toxic so-called friends and they are all gone. I let them go and let them know why they were let go. Life is to short to surround yourself with toxic people.
Have a fabulous day and weekend, Debbie. Big hug. ♥
I’ve had a few toxic friends one in particular that lost several good friends because of her insincerity. She reminds me of the song by Toby Keith – “I Wanna Talk About Me”.
Good friends, even internet friends, are hard to come by. We should cherish them.
I have one friend that I have known for 50 years. We worked together in the hospital. We lost touch in the 90’s and neither of us are sure what happened. I found her on the internet a couple of years ago and we have renewed our friendship. It is great. But I have ditched many toxic folks from my life. Too much drama to deal with for me. I have a friend who I finally gave up on after she destroyed my vacation in Europe a few years ago with her behavior. We haven’t spoken since and ended 30 years of being friends. Such is life I guess.
Hi Debbie – I agree with your thoughts … we need to see things from others’ points of view – and understand why perhaps they’re as they are … I found this out and get a little frustrated at times. Like you a few friends of long standing … some new ones too … but I do find the blogging ones really encouraging – there’s a positive take on life, rather than the day to day negativity that can creep in. I’ll always keep in touch if someone reaches out … take care and thanks for this … Hilary
Hi Debbie,
Wow, a stalker friend, not good! Life is too short for friends like that or those that suck the life out of you.
I’ve had a few that only come around when they need something, fair weather friends I call them.
But, I have 3 wonderful friends since my late teens and we all get together for our birthdays every year for the past 25 years. I probably like you have about 5 really good friends and another dozen decent ones. (The B list, lol). I recently connected with a dear friend from my childhood, we lost touch about 10 years ago and that was nice.
My husband and I have several couple friends and that is even harder to obtain and maintain through the years. Not only do you need to enjoy the same things but be on the same time schedule too.
Great topic Debbie!
Hi, Debbie,
excellent descriptions of different kinds of friends.
My *true friends* are my “Root Friends.” I have about 5 of them, whom have been there FOREVER 🙂 and still love me. WOW. xx
I love that phrase “root friends” and I have 4 of them. Glad you have that group around you.
This is great, Debbie. You’ve described all the kinds of friends so well. That toxic friend of yours sounded downright scary. I haven’t experienced that thank goodness but I have had friends who liked to put me down to make them feel good about themselves. Or the types where you do everything to please them and they could care less. Been there, done that as the cliche goes. Now I’m thinking of that Looney Tunes cartoon as I write this, you know the one with Spike and Chester. I’m tired of being a Chester. No more Doormat for me! GRRR!
Hi Cathy; I used to get taken advantage of all the time when I was young, which makes me choosier now. No more doormat – good for you! 🙂 The image of Spike and Chester brought a chuckle; I remember them well. I was so relieved to break ties to that crazy person and it was easier than I thought it would be. She got the hint after I stopped returning her calls and even though she only lives a couple of blocks away, I haven’t seen her in years.
I really liked the prompt but was not sure what to write. Have finally added my post. Have a great week ahead. Thanks for a lovely post on friendship and true ones a truly rare commodity.
Glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks for adding your link as well. 🙂
I was nodding right along with you on this, Debbie. So true.
I had a toxic friend years ago, though not as full of the cray-cray as yours was. It was hard, but I did distance myself and was better for it.
Great post!
Yes, it’s never easy to end a friendship, but sometimes you just have to, for your own sanity and peace of mind. I was much better off as well. Thanks for visiting Ava. 🙂
Now this is funny. I wrote my comment and they wouldn’t accept it because there weren’t enough words. It felt weird getting reprimanded by a computer. All I said was – Sure lookin’ good, Debbie!
LOL; I think you need six words to go through, Carol. 😀 It’s an anti-spam measure.
There are as many kinds of friendships as there are human beings, I guess! If only we had some of the “wisdom of experience” earlier in life, eh? Ah well, it’s all grist for the mill, and what I hope for everyone is to find the niche that fits each. Great post, as usual, Debbie.
Thanks for dropping by, Sammy. 🙂 Yes, different people play different roles, but what I cannot stand is the users and abusers. Definitely more of a problem when one is young and naive. Have a great weekend! P.S. Did you notice I got rid of the sidebar stuff on the post page? (It’s still on the Home page.) No distractions IS better, but the footer has some navigation tools, etc.
Too often when I was younger I let toxic people come into or stay in my life because I was very insecure with myself. I’ve had to learn not to blame myself for this. I was a lonely kid and was hungry for companionship. Unfortunately as an adult, I tend to only allow superficial relationships because it’s hard for me to trust people.
Thanks for visiting us at KHEL 666 Radio Netherworld.
Welcome to The Den, Wanda 🙂 I know exactly what you mean and am a tad cynical and distrustful, myself. That’s why I only have a handful of true friends. I enjoyed your site and love the music! Thanks for dropping by and have a good weekend.
Debbie – I love the new look of your blog. I enjoyed your description of a friend. Don’t you find it interesting that we (women) have different friends for different phases of our lives? I also believe that we can have people in our lives that consider us close friends but it is a one-way street. By that I mean – there are a few people in my life that believe I am their “bestest” friend because I am ‘there’ for them, and that’s okay. But I wouldn’t confide in them, for a variety of reasons.
Hi Carol; I thought you might like the new post pages. 🙂 (The home page still has all the cool sidebar stuff and so does the footer, here. You’re on my “Top Commenters” list.) There are all kinds of friends in life and most people have many casual friendships, but a true friend is hard to find. This extends to the internet and I consider you a good friend, Carol. 🙂 Good point about the one-sided friendships. Thanks for visiting and have a good weekend.
That’s quite a sensible analysis of different kinds of friendships! It takes all kinds to run the world, I suppose 🙂
The true and genuine friends are always just a handful, and perhaps it is better that way. We can’t be fully ourselves and unguarded with a lot of people, at least I can’t be 🙂 By nature a reserved person, I can only open up with just a very few people and prefer it that way. Overall, I feel as long as we can have a sincere goodwill and good feeling towards others (whom we can’t see as our close friends) that is fine.
Enjoyed your post, Debbie.
Yes, I prefer a small group of true friends as well and feel as you do, having been burned by many so-called “friends” over the years. It takes awhile before I let my guard down. What I can’t abide is those who do nothing but use others. Glad you enjoyed the post and thanks for visiting, Beloo.
yes. i had that kind of friends too who disappeared as soon as we lost touch never to contact again or just in the times of need!
These disappearing friends are a mystery to me! This is something I would NEVER to do, without some kind of explanation. Obviously, they were never really “friends” in the first place. Oh well; such is life. Thanks for visiting
What a beautiful post Debbie!
I don’t have a lot of real life friends but the ones I do I have a great relationship with. There is one who I see probably once a year but when I do we hug and talk for hours. But my BFF is my husband…quirky huh?
I have a lot of online friends, you being one of them and I cherish them just as much as I do my real-life friendships.
As far as toxic friendships, I’m lucky to have not had one. But I have had a toxic relationship :).
Beautifully written Debbie! Happy Wednesday hun!
Hi Corina; A toxic relationship is even worse than toxic friends and I’m sorry you suffered through that! 🙁 Real friends can just pick up where they left off, no matter how much time has passed. Hubby is my best friend too. We started off disliking each other, then became platonic friends before we got together romantically. Friendship is important to any long-term relationship and heightens the sense of commitment. I too have many online friends, including you and have even met three of them in person. These are definitely real friendships, contrary to what some people think. Glad you enjoyed the article. Have a great weekend! 🙂
It’s like the old poem:
Make new friends, but keep the old.
One is silver and the other’s gold.
Welcome the The Den, LuAnn! 🙂 Yes, old, true friends are the gold standard. Thanks for visiting and joining the Carnival. Cheers!
Hi Debbie!
True friends are definitely hard to come by. I can count on 1 hand who I know I can count on. Sad but true. I mean, I communicate with a lot of people but they always seem to be about them or want something in return. I wear my heart on my sleeve and that hurts. But as long as I have a few good friends that I can call my own, I’m good to go. My bestest friend is my hubs and my dog and they matter most.
Great article Debbie. Makes one really think.
Hi Brenda; You and I are in the same situation. I’ve been badly burned to so-called “friends” over the years and that’s left me more than a tad cynical about people’s motives. Hubby is my best friend too and so was our Dalmatian. I used to sing to her. 🙂 No dog at the moment, but I have client’s dogs here all the time and they are my good buddies. Glad you enjoyed the article. Thanks for visiting!
I’m surely going to post on this Debbie … I have a lot to share on friendships not too many good friends though..But then it’s always better to have one good friend instead of many bad ones…
I agree Nabanita; one good friend is better than many bad ones. Looking forward to read your post. Thanks for joining. 🙂
I have a lot of friends, but the ones I consider true friends are the ones I met during my school and college days. They have remained close to me even after all these years and the best part is we haven’t been writing to each other regularly but when I need a true friend they are there. Love your blog carnival theme, am on it.
Hi Sulekha; Yes, one sign of true friendship is, you can pick up right where you left off, no matter how much time has passed. 🙂 Glad you enjoy the theme. Looking forward to read your post. Cheers!
Friends are the mainstay of my life, Debbie! I cherish them, honor them and respect them. Sure there have been some ups and downs, but I consider them all part of life and a learning experience. So glad you are hosting this for Write Tribe. 🙂
You are a good friend, Vidya! 🙂 These are to be cherished, like a beautiful flower. Thanks for visiting and have a great weekend.
You are a good friend, Vidya! 🙂 These are to be cherished, like a beautiful flower. Thanks for visiting and have a great weekend.
I can count them in one hand too. 🙂 Happy Friendship day. 🙂
Yes, true friendship can be elusive, but when it’s there, it’s great! 🙂 Thanks for visiting.
Just so I don’t forget to mention, yes I’ve had toxic friendships and had to cut that chord off or distance myself from those emotional vampires quickly. With that out of the way I’ve been blessed with a ton of friends over my lifetime that are still in my life today. Most of it being me growing up and choosing what I wanted to be as a person within. Then immediately going into a life saving volunteer activity with search and rescue, becoming a medic then going in a life long high risk career. All of that builds a character of wanting friendship and support around you. My career field has probably the tightest bond of any along with the military. Over the past year I’ve really opened up more publicly and I will use Facebook for example, I had no idea how many people were behind me despite being told that for years. A little lack of self confidence. Probably the biggest attribute to my friends is that I AM a great friend first. I’m honest, genuinely polite, always caring and fiercely loyal. That has applied to my blogging as well, Debbie. And going full circle to the toxic friendships I’m in for mutual blogging friendship to support each other’s writing pursuits but there has to be consistent give and take. Or I will set them free and soon be blessed with someone else who does want to make that investment. Good post 🙂
Hi Mike; Thanks for sharing more about your life. I have noticed you getting more prolific in that area lately. 🙂 I can understand how facing constant high-risk situations drives a need for companionship and support and you are fortunate to have so many true friends. Like you, I too am a great friend; honest, empathic and loyal. That’s probably why we get along so well, plus our mutual love of dogs and food. 😀 Your take on blogging friendships is spot on! Too often, the commitments are one-sided and this is a waste of one’s valuable time. Hope you and Phoenix have a great weekend.