#8Sunday WEEKEND WRITING WARRIORS JUL. 6/14

16 Comments#8sunday #WeWriWa, Link Ups, Writing/Blogging

Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors’

** 8 Sentence Sunday Blog Hop **

weekend writing warriors veteran

A weekly festival of writers sharing excerpts from their work.  Many different genres; something for everybody.  Enjoy!  

Continuing this week with “The Visitation”; a short story based on actual events from the summer of 1971.   Thanks to the excellent advice given so far, there will be a re-write in future.

Previous instalment HERE.

On closer inspection, she realized the hair was a wig. Yes, it was black, but a different style.  She barely recognized his face and noticed the heavy makeup.  Feeling sick and trying not to faint, she leaned in a little closer, then recoiled in horror! Part of his nose was missing, the side facing the mourners propped up by toothpicks.  She stifled a scream and embraced her friend.  “Get me out of here!”

That spectre haunted her for years.

There’s only three sentences left, so I’ll just wrap it up here and go on to something else next time:
“She refused to attend any more visitations, until decades later when a close friend passed away.  His was a peaceful death and there was nothing to fear,  yet that feeling of horror returned.  Visions of that broken face from long ago swam before her eyes and the tears wouldn’t stop.”

eyelashes and tears
Photo credit

Thanks for dropping by.

Comments and helpful critiques always welcome.

Debbie

Please visit as many of these talented writers as you can and comment on their work as well.

Happy reading!

wewriwa

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Canine Innkeeper in suburban Toronto, Canada, known as “The Doglady”. Writer/website owner, photographer, animal lover, music fanatic, inveterate traveller. History, literature and cinema buff. Eternal “hippie/rockchick”. Binational, German/Canadian and multilingual. Looking for the next adventure!

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16 thoughts on “#8Sunday WEEKEND WRITING WARRIORS JUL. 6/14

  1. Yikes! I loved your snippet. It was creepy (in a good way). I’ve been to plenty of funerals, but never that up close and personal. It’s got me thinking how the process really works! I could picture everything your character saw, and the exclamation point was a nice touch for showing the character was losing the calm demeanor.

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta
    Yawatta Hosby recently posted…Weekend Writing Warriors Excerpt #3My Profile
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  2. Wow. That would be a creepy vision.

    When I teach writing, I always tell my students, “Treat exclamation points like money and spend them wisely.” Choose the sentence that needs to stand out the most and give it the only exclamation point in the passage because too many exclamation points will undo the meaning!

    What sort of style was the wig? Explain it and give us a strong description. Every reader should see the same image. If not, your description is not specific enough. What specifically about the make up made the face unrecognizable?

    The part missing from the nose is a great detail.

    Instead of telling us she felt sick, show us. What do you feel like when you are sick? Instead of saying she tried not to faint, describe the room spinning or gray dots floating in front of her eyes.

    This is a fabulous twist at the end, and I can see why she wouldn’t want to attend a visitation again.
    Joyce recently posted…#8 Weekend Writing Warriors Blog HopMy Profile
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